|
Post by nickymills30 on Nov 19, 2010 11:43:13 GMT
i;m so sorry to hear about your loss, but at least he knew he was loved very much, sending loads of goggles hugs to you and your clan x
|
|
|
Post by nuttz on Nov 19, 2010 12:10:29 GMT
the very worse thing about having any pet is the fact we know that one day their time will come, god knows, it catches us all up sooner or later.. the only thing you can do is make their everyday a loved and happy one, then, when that day comes you know YOU have given them everything you could and that they deserve!!! if we all felt that way then i guess we all would be giving our pets up for adoption.......this isnt the best solution but only you can decide whats best for you.....as i said......its very early days...........you said it yourself, its hit you hard and i expect it has, this is why you must just give yourself that time to come to terms with your loss, however long this might take? it will take dante a while to get used to some changes thats taken and will continue to take place, just give him that time and lots of attention, my dog tanzy went almost crazy after losing her sister, it took her a couple of weeks before she stopped searching for her, bless!!! and yes, i guess you could of done things differently ie taking him to the vets earlier but you was NOT to know this was going to happen...............we are all guilty of doing or acting the wrong way sometimes but this does NOT make it your fault.......!!! take it easy on yourself...........TIME IS THE KEY!!!
|
|
|
Post by nuttz on Nov 19, 2010 12:40:35 GMT
smux, im just off to get showered and ready to go watch my kids play footie.. not sure if i will be back on today but just wanted to say................ i shall be thinking of you!!! take it one step at a time, each second and each day will be easier, believe me!!! just remember, you did nothing wrong xxx
|
|
|
Post by smux on Nov 19, 2010 12:43:03 GMT
Knowing it isn't your fault just isn't enough if there was something else that could have been done, that's the whole problem with choices...what if I had let him and his brother go with DegutasticJen instead of taking him on myself, he might have had a totally different life with her. Another problem with choices is we don't know what choices we have made that have been for the better but could have been for the worse. All in all, I am just saying that I wish I had taken him sooner, but unless I said it sooner and did it I know there is no point in me even thinking about it.
It most definitely is my fault, but it was something I wouldn't have done any differently if I could rewind and take that choice again (assuming I wouldn't know the outcome of the choice, of course...and if it were to happen again with another degu, I actually probably would take the same choice unless I felt they really were in the same danger) so it isn't something that I did maliciously and willingly with knowledge of what was going to happen...in other words, I'm not going to curse myself for not doing anything sooner, I am just going to wish I had.
The one good thing about this is that Elsevier has saved me from spending almost £400 on his surgery, and he was in no pain up until his final breath, and for that and the time he has spent with me I am extremely thankful. The flatmate will most likely share the same feelings about his time with us, and he was actually closer to the two of them than I was as he shares a room with them and gave them the most attention.
One thing I remember him mentioning about Elsevier is his ability to climb up onto the bed from the floor when he has his time out, and he would do this and come over for a cuddle...Dante can't even get up onto the bed :-)
|
|
|
Post by nuttz on Nov 19, 2010 12:50:30 GMT
by what youve said and if you asked me........... id say he was a very happy goo indeed.... you were both very lucky to have eachother!!! xxx
|
|
|
Post by deguconvert on Nov 19, 2010 20:45:06 GMT
I'm so sorry, Smux!! I have occassionally looked at the future in the same way as you are right now, thinking of the potential number of deaths to mourn. With two dogs, a history of deeply loved dogs, and three degus much loved, I know there will be a day. But mourning them before they die is to cheat them and myself out of the blessing the loving them brings. The blessing of loving them far outweighs the pain of their passing. "Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have not loved at all." It's healthier for all involved, all the way around. You are a better man for it. I'll be thinking of you!
|
|
|
Post by smux on Nov 19, 2010 21:23:47 GMT
The blessing they bring lasts a lot longer overall but ranges from woefully minor to extravagantly major, and while I can think of many things he brought to my life in those 5 wonderful months I have had him (Yes, it's just 5 months...to the day, I got him and Dante on 19th June) and they are almost all in the high range on blessing (like the first day he and his brother started to lift their paws up for a tickle like I had seen on youtube but never actually managed to get mine to do...one of the girlies has done it but fleetingly and not every time, Dante/Elsevier did it whenever me or the flatmate would tickle him) it will never feel as good as the pain of losing him feels bad unless I count them all in one go, but to recount each one brings on the pain of the fact that I will never see that happen again. Also, I will never mourn for those still alive (with the exception of Loki, when we lost him over the balcony, but the joy of finding him greatly outweighed the pain of loss at the time) but I also want for those who can have a better life to do so, and the girls can definitely have a better life with a female owner compared to me, I am almost sure of it because of how flighty they can be around me and the flatmate. I also think if I had fewer degus the monetary burden wouldn't be as great (main burden at the moment is with regards to new toys, I need to get a load of wheels and heat pads, for instance) and I could save up for the next time there's an incident like we had with Elsevier...had we had a bit of spare money, I think I would have taken him to the vet and had it seen to a long time ago...I think my flatmate would have forced me to, in fact, he hated the feel of the bump under his chin. Generally speaking, it is a logical thought rather than one borne out of mourning, Elsevier's passing has given me a wake-up call about the situation and he COULD possibly have survived this...even if he didn't, it would have been nice to know I did everything I could. On my way home with him from the vet's, me and the flatmate were discussing all sorts of things we could sell off to get £400 to pay for the bills, and I was going to call the RSPCA about financial aid when I got up (and was actually considering a "doorstep loan" from the provident costing an extra 50% on top, if nothing else worked)
|
|
|
Post by deguconvert on Nov 20, 2010 6:05:04 GMT
I hear you, Smux, and you are making strong, valid points. If you do re-home any, I hope you will be able to so easily and very successfully!
|
|
|
Post by smux on Nov 20, 2010 12:05:55 GMT
Another valid point is that life is finite, in his case lasting only 4 years and I only got 5 months of that...I know that in 5 months time he will still be dead, and in 4 years time he'll still be dead...death is infinite, so no amount of hugs and kisses given in life will make up for pain and sorrow in death. Obviously it gets better, it has to or we'd go insane, but it never goes away unless you work hard on doing so...and I don't want it to go away, I'd rather remember him forever, both taunting and comforting me at the same time.
All that said, I am a bit better than I was yesterday...the little funeral we had was a nice way to release him from us and move on a little, although I don't think I'll be back to my normal self for a while yet.
|
|