My pal max passed away

[jackstu88]

Hi guys, had such a sad day yesterday when one of me and my partners degu Max passed away, he just fell ill the same day and never recovered. Now we have Finn all by himself in a large cage we put together for them and it’s so sad to see him alone. Max died peacefully but it’s difficult to tell if Finn knows what has happened. He does seem sad and runs around a bit; it’s devastating wondering if he knows what’s going on. We will spend more time with him obviously but since he’ll be 6 in March next year I don’t think he’ll take kindly to a new buddy knowing what he’s like and it’s been so heartbreaking I’m not going to be able to bear bringing up more degus. If anyone has any advice on what we could do that would be great. He died in our room as we tried to keep him warm but finn was acting strange and ignoring him, we let him die in our arms after rushing up and down the vets all evening.. would Finn have known Max was sick? This is really so heartbreaking and hard to take

[moletteuk]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Did you show Finn Max's body? This can sometimes help them understand what has happened, but if not, Finn can probably guess if Max was obviously very unwell yesterday.

Finn is going to be confused and upset for a few days and then it depends on the individual how long they grieve for and how well they adapt to life on their own. I would urge you to keep an open mind on this for now, see how he gets on. 6 is not necessarily all that old depending on what his health is like. It may be possible to find another buddy of a similar age or you may find somebody in a similar position looking to adopt an older male to introduce to their own lone older male.

[jackstu88]

Thanks for your message, that’s very nice of you.
We did show Finn Max’s body after but he wasn’t really taking him on, then we felt like we were kind of forcing it to see if he’d take attention so took him away. Maybe he was in shock or just upset. Should we show him the body again before cremation or leave it now? It’s been almost 24 hours since he’s seen him so at this point I feel we shouldn’t but your advice would be great. We’re taking max to the vet tomorrow for him to be passed for cremation and we’ll get ashes for his memory. We don’t have anywhere we can bury the wee guy I take it that it is normal for cremation and normal for us to wait until tomorrow to take his body out of the house? It’s just a really sad thing we’ve never had to deal with.

That is one of the problems for Finn, 6 may not sound old but Finn has had a bit of a problem with sneezing and a big of gut problems for about 14 months, we treat it with antibiotics when it flares up but he has remained active, still fast, eating and drinking regularly, even with his condition. I worry that his sadness may make him become worse though. Around here where I live, it seems harder to find degus for sale or adoption but I will look into it.

One more question, when should we clean out the cage properly? I feel maybe doing it in the next few days would be ok, I don’t know if it helps or makes things worse if Max’s smell goes?

Appreciate the advice here, I knew I could trust good caring advice on this forum.

Thanks
Jack

[moletteuk]

I think if Finn has seen Max's body then there is no need to show him again. They quite often don't seem to take it on board at the time very well or respond as you might expect, but that's just how it seems to be, it's very difficult to know what they are thinking.

I think it will be fine to wait until tomorrow to take Max in for cremation. We always bury ours, and we put them in a tupperware type box in the fridge until we are ready to bury them, which is sometimes several days, and there is never any visible change in the body, so you could do the same or just put the box in a cool place in the house somewhere if you prefer.

Don't decide anything about Finn just now, give it some time to see how he gets on. I was in a similar position with my last degu becoming unwell shortly after she was left as the last one, she managed OK alone but she did last a lot longer than I thought she would.

I've always done cage cleans in stages after a loss, split into 2 or 3 phases or whatever is convenient for you, just so the smells are removed gradually for the remaining degu. In your case it may be a consideration that there could be infectious material in the cage, in which case you might want to prioritise a full cleanout ASAP.

[winic1]

So very sorry for your loss.

Whenever we lost a degu, instead of doing an all-over cleaning, we'd do just one part of the cage at a time, so that the scent of the missing buddy decreased gradually, rather than a sudden, possibly shocking, loss of all traces of him. Even if Finn didn't seem to react to Max's body, he saw it and he would have known he was gone. I wouldn't think you need to show Max to him again. His running around may be him looking for signs of other degus to join up with, it could also just be his way of expressing grief over loss of his buddy. Hard to tell. Life alone will definitely be an adjustment for him, so you may see a range of behaviors.

[teemu]

My condolences for your loss. Losing a family member is always really hard.

It usually takes some time for animals to show how they're reacting to the grief, and it can depend a lot. Some are heartbroken right away, others don't seem to notice at first and it's only later that their behavior shows any changes. For now, as others have said, it is best to keep things steady and observe Finn.

It should be fine to wait until tomorrow to take him to be cremated.

[deguconvert]

I am so very sorry for your sudden and heartbreaking loss! I've nothing to add to the above comments . . . they have pretty much advised as I would.

[jackstu88]

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice, it is so appreciated!
I will clean gradually through the week and weekend. Finn is still eating like usual, he’s a wee fatty hehe. So I’m glad to see he is still eating at the moment. You can kind of tell he’s sad, it almost feels like he’s running around trying to find him at times, it’s heartbreaking but we’ll look after the wee guy and see how it goes and keep an eye on his moods. I work from home so I’m literally in the same room as Finn all the time whilst working, will it help him having some kind of company surely? I know it won’t be the same for him but surely it’s better im in here about 10 hours a day with him!

Should we eventually replace the bed also or will it be ok to leave it? Poor Max will be taken to the vet this evening when my partners home and they arrange the cremation with the company then we get a call when the ashes are back for us to collect. We’re going to have a little shrine in his memory and we’ve got a beaded framed huge poster of them both. Life is cruel but at least he’s not suffering now and is on a golden wheel in degu heaven now having fun surely.

[moletteuk]

I'm sure it will help Finn to have you with him through the day.

I think replacing the bed is your choice and it depends what sort of bed it is. I don't think it is essential to remove everything that carries Max's scent, if that is what is concerning you.

I hope it wasn't too upsetting dropping Max off at the vets. I'm sure Max has been welcomed by all the forum degus who have passed on, your plans to remember him sound lovely.

[deguconvert]

Thinking of you and these next steps in moving through the loss and grief. Sending hugs.

[jackstu88]

Thanks guys. That’s ok regarding the bed then, it was mainly due to the scents. Will start cleaning bit by bit soon, the cage has a thorough clean the day before Max’s passing. Small update on Finn, he’s been coming out and running around but can still sense sadness which is obviously normal. He’s still eating and drinking at this point, so to me that’s surely a good sign at this point?
We dropped Max last night; was hard We’ll get ashes back next week and have the shrine in his memory. Will send more messages and give updates as the days go by if that’s ok

Appreciate all the kind words guys

[teemu]

I wish you strength in this trying moment.

Do give Finn extra treats and be sure to spend a lot of time with him. Especially now that he's alone, it's important for him to know that he's loved and that you will be there for him. It is a good sign that he's carrying on with basic necessities.